


My heart can only hold so much (losing you is killing me)

by Mysterycheerio



Series: Fables Of One Suicidal Spider [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Peter Parker, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Depressed Peter Parker, F/M, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Mess, Suicidal Peter Parker, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony is a dick at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:02:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21864169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysterycheerio/pseuds/Mysterycheerio
Summary: In a different universe, Tony Stark would've given Peter Parker (aka the Freindly Neighbourhood Spider-Man) his suit back after taking down the Vulture single-handedly. Peter would've gotten another parental figure to look up to, alongside May, and Tony would've gotten a son to learn from.This isn't that universe.It didn't take long for SHIELD to find the Webslinger, and when they did, they recruited him, worried about how young he was. And then May died, leaving Peter spiralling into a depressive state, where he finds out his powers just won't let him die.And naturally, Fury panics, and takes him to the only place he can think of.Avengers Tower.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Everyone, Peter Parker & Stephen Strange, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Series: Fables Of One Suicidal Spider [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697761
Comments: 69
Kudos: 389





	1. How it all happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Everytime you hurt me, the less I cry  
> Everytime you leave me, the quicker these tears dry.  
> Everytime you walk out, the less I love you  
> Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but true.  
> I'm way too good at goodbyes.

Peter shifted in his seat, squirmish under the seven pairs of eyes that suddenly shifted to him. He was in Stark Tower, 2 months after the vulture incident, and 2.5 months after the ferry incident. Peter thought, or rather hoped, that after taking down the vulture, Tony would reach out to him, possibly give him his suit back. Instead, he cut ties with Happy altogether, somewhat afraid of what the Billionaire might do. Without Iron Man’s protection, it didn’t take long for SHIELD to track him down, and, when they discovered he was just 15, they basically adopted him, training him to be a better agent.

  
_Then, in August, tragedy struck. May Parker, last living relative of Peter, was killed in a hit and run._

  
For weeks after the news, Peter was numb. He got up mindlessly, then started training until his knuckles were red and his skin was peeling, and almost every reinforced punching bag was destroyed.

  
Peter was good friends with Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool (or Captain Deadpool, as Peter called him sometimes). Peter knew the affects of healing factors, and knew he had one after the spider bite, but underestimated how strong it was.

  
He learnt, after his first attempt, that its extremely hard to kill a radioactive teenager.

  
_Slitting his wrists: the wounds heal too fast._

  
_Jumping off a building: no building was high enough._

  
_Bullet in the mouth: patched up a few minutes later._

  
Peter just couldn’t catch a break.

  
So, after his third attempt, the team reckoned they couldn’t deal with a teenager, let alone one who was enhanced and suicidal. So, here he was, with Fury, in Stark Tower, watching the eyes of Captain America, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Falcon, War Machine, White Wolf and Tony Stark dart around his features.

  
“-besides, I need an agent to watch you lot. And I trust agent Parker with my life.”

  
“Really, Nick? You trust a, what, 12 year old? With your life?” Steve questions, skeptical.

  
“Well, seeing as I could get him to slit your throats before you could say ‘radioactive’ and is probably more skilled than all of you, yes.”

  
“He’s an assassin.” Natasha stated.

  
“I’m a specialist,” Peter yelled, surprising Tony. “Fury, I’m a specialist. I go in, I eliminate the threat alone, and I get the job done. You know what happened last time I was- I was part of a team…”

  
That surprised Tony. More so that the yelling had done. Peter, sweet, caring Peter, was talking like an agent. It was a cold, calculating sentence, that contrasted massively to Spider-Man, his friendly neighborhood Spider-Man who helped cars out of trees, and helped the elderly cross the street. His voice was now cold and dark, like he was repressing a dark memory, nothing like the innocent, bubbly teen he once knew. Nothing like Spider-Man.

  
**_No, he had to remind himself, Spider-Man was dead._ **

  
“Fury, I don’t want to be here. They clearly don’t want me here, least of all him,” Peter sighed sadly, gesturing to Tony, “if you don’t want me on the team, if I’m too unstable, fine. You could’ve just said something.”

  
“Pete-,”Fury began. The Avengers had never heard a tone so soft.

  
“We’ll take him in,” Natasha said.

  
“Thank you, Romanoff. Well, I’ll leave you to it Parker, thank you, you little fuckers, I’ll be going now…”

  
“Come on, ill show you your room,” Tony said begrudgingly. Not because he hated the kid, but because of the heavy guilt pooling in his stomach.

  
They travelled in silence, welcoming for Peter, who’s Guilt complex wouldn’t give him a break, and uncomfortable for Tony, who felt everything was his fault.  
When they got to his room, Tony showed him around. He looked at the Star Wars posters and the Spider themed walls, his face completely blank. Tony, uneasy in the silence that didn’t usually linger around Peter, excused himself to leave, but stopped himself at the door.

  
“What was Fury talking about Kid? About the unstable stuff?”

  
“Well, it seems once you off yourself one too many times, the only people you consider family since May’s death decides to get rid of you.” Peter said calmly. There wasn’t any bite in his tone, but the statement hurt Tony emotionally, almost even physically.

“And don’t call me that."

  
“What?” Tony asked, confused.

  
“Don’t call me kid anymore. I may be 15, but you can’t claim to be an innocent child when there’s so much blood on your hands.”

  
_Tony left Peter’s room, tears pricking his eyes and his heart panging._

  
_This wasn’t Peter. This wasn’t the adorable, dorky, heroic teenager that Tony knew._

  
_This was an agent. A stone cold, calculating assassin trained for the mission and the mission only._

  
**_And Tony hated it._ **


	2. Introducing the Avengers to what's left of Spider-Man.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I trained him.”
> 
> Clint spat out the orange juice he was drinking as all eyes turned to the woman, none of them, except Tony, being able to find any words. “What?”
> 
> “It was only for a couple of hours, but I taught him some moves. He had potential, and was already extremely skilled. It took some effort to get him down. I think his SO was Melinda May-“
> 
> “The Cavalry!?” Clint interuppted.
> 
> “Don’t call her that.” Came a shy voice from the doorway. When the team turned, they saw Peter leaning against the doorway, a blank (but somehow still serious) expression on his face.
> 
> “What?”"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is kindda short lol.  
> also, for the aos stans, i did include how the TAHITI project works so if you havent seen aos,,,spoilers????
> 
> anyways,enjoy!!!

Tony left Peters room begrudgingly, and walked towards the communal living room. He knew that the ream was in there, and although he really didn’t want to, he felt he needed to answer his questions. He walked in, six heads turning to him and exploding in questions. Rhodey told them to calm down, something that he was immensely grateful for.

  
“How do you know that agent, Tony? Agent, P-Parker?” Steve asked, trying to remember Peter’s name.

  
“Peter Parker. Agent of Shield.” Natasha said.

  
“How… do you… you know that?” Tony asked.

  
“I trained him.”

  
Clint spat out the orange juice he was drinking as all eyes turned to the woman, none of them, except Tony, being able to find any words. “What?”  
“It was only for a couple of hours, but I taught him some moves. He had potential, and was already extremely skilled. It took some effort to get him down. I think his SO was Melinda May-“

  
“The Cavalry!?” Clint interuppted.

  
“Don’t call her that.” Came a shy voice from the doorway. When the team turned, they saw Peter leaning against the doorway, a blank (but somehow still serious) expression on his face.

  
“What?”

  
“If you knew why she was nicknamed the carvalry, you wouldn’t call her that out of sheer guilt. Please.”

  
The heroes agreed tensely before he added, “Besides, I was also trained by Daisy Johnson and Coulson.”

  
“Coulson?! I thought he…” Steve trailed off, a guilty look on his face.

  
“I’m in deep shit for telling you this,” He muttered, “Phil Coulson died before the battle of New York, yes, but he was resurrected due to a project called TAHITI, which basically regenerated his cells. The serum that was used was called GH-325, and it was synthesized from… from the Kree.”

  
“Aliens?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“Is no-one going to address the fact that he was trained by Daisy Johnson. THE Daisy Johnson, as in Quake. I thought she only trained Inhumans…”

Peter looked down at his feet guiltily.

  
“The thing is, Peter’s Spider-Man.” Tony sighed.

  
“Was, “Peter corrected, looking around at the teams shocked/angry/disappointed faces.

  
“You. Took. A. Child. To. A. War. Zone.” Steve said to Tony, rage cracking through this calm façade.

  
“Well, Captain Rogers, it was never supposed to be a war zone. And, in case you forgot, I am one of the most powerful people in the world, I could handle myself. Even back then. If you don’t believe me, read my file.”

Natasha picked up the yellow folder, and began reading as instructed, _“Name: Peter Benjamin Parker_

  
_D.O.B: 10/8/01_

  
_Status: Shield agent, Field agent, shield scientist, Special Advisor to the Director In Science and Technology (alongside Jemma Simmons), Specialist_   
  
_Family: (no biological family left) Phil Coulson, Melinda May, Daisy Johnson (Skye/Quake), Alphonso Mackenzie, Elena Rodriguez, Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, Deke Shaw, Andrew Gardner (now deceased)_

  
_Powers: Enhanced senses, Enhanced metabolism (medicines and sedatives will not work on Agent Parker), Enhanced healing, ability to stick to surfaces (walls, ceiling), super strength (three times as powerful as Steve Rogers), increased speed, stamina and reflexes, a warning system (some sort of precognition, officially known as the ‘Spider-Sense’)_

  
_Notes: Extremely skilled in many martial arts, uses his flexibility to his advantage, extremely smart, often outsmart opponents”_

Everyone was shocked,including Tony. He knew Peter was strong, but not that strong. Despite wanting t question the teen endlessly about his abilities, he settles for something that would (hopefully) be more comfortable for Peter.

  
“Thanks, kid, for uh, sticking up for me.” Tony said lamely.

  
“Well, despite your obvious lack of caring, I never stopped.” Peter said bitterly, then left the room.

 _Well,_ he thought, _I've royally screwed up, havent I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, please leave a comment. I love responding to questions and interacting with people who read my fics!!!!!


	3. When you snap, his heart breaks. When he snaps, you realize how big of a mistake you've made.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YOU WANT FUCKIING ANGST?????????  
> ILL GIVE YOU MOTHERFUCKING ANGST!!!!
> 
> also, a mentoin of spiderverse bc i love that movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what that summery reminds me of?  
> PATRICIAAAAA  
> get it together sweetie we have a show this weekend

Peter sat at the back of he conference room, fingers twisting nervously. Fury walked in, his features set in a grim expression. The webslinger fought the impulse to roll his eyes; an attack was about to happen, why was Fury wasting precious time?

  
“It seems, we have a situation on our hands people,” Fury said, pulling out eight yellow folders from his jacket, “Doctor Otto Octavius, Harry Osborn and Wilson Fisk seemed to have teamed up again. We believe their location will be Times Square. Agent Parker,” Tony winced, still not used to the title, “you’ve fought them all before, can you brief us?”

  
Peter swallowed nervously, “Y-yeah, um. They are all part of a group, which main focus is taking Spider-Man down.”

  
“What’s this group called?” Sam asked hesitantly.

  
“ They’ve been called a lot of names: sinister six, the six most sinister, superior six, insidious six it goes on. They also seem to change the people in the group, the originals being Dok Ock, Vulture, Sandman, Electro, Mysterio and Kraven the hunter. There’s also the sinister seven, the sinister eight, and the sinister sixty-six. Last time I fought them at once, I had to deploy project Spiderverse.”

  
“What’s that?” Clint asked.

  
“Oh uh, its basically where I ask different Spider-Men from different universes to help me fight. This is dimension 616, and I mentor, in a sense, a different Spiderman, named Miles Morales. The kids got potential. He has these cool like, invisibility and Electrostatic powers. He’s awesome. There’s also Spider-Gwen: Gwen Stacy, Spider-Man Noir : who’s like me from the 30’s, Peni Parker and Spydr : who’s like, an ANIME version of me and a robot from a dystopian future, and SpiderHam: who’s name is Peter Porker, and he’s a pig. Fucking bants"

  
Everyone in the room was in shock, to say the least.

  
“Anyways… We estimate they’ll attack in less than an hour, so Parker, get your suit on.”

  
Tony looked down guiltily, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. Fury dismissed them, and Peter tried to make a beeline for his room, where his SHEILD suit was. However, his hand was caught by Tony, who had guilt etched into his features.

  
“Um… Pete, if you still need it, I have your suit in my lab. You can still use it, I dunno, I just thought-“

  
“Sorry, sir. I can’t. Spider-Man can’t be seen anymore, and anyways, you took that suit away from me for a reason right? I don’t deserve it.” He said, brushing Tony’s hand away forcefully.

  
“Pete, I-“

  
“Don’t.” He said simply, venom lacing his words before sprinting down the hall.

  
The next time Tony saw Peter, his breath caught in his throat and his eyes prickles with unshed tears. He was in a spandex suit, one like his old one, except it was completely black. Over the top, he had many additional items, such as a tactical vest. The masks eyes flipped up, allowing you to see his chocolate doe eyes, and a small SHIELD logo was printed in the top left of his chest.

  
(basically the ffh stealth suit, but with a Shield logo lol)

  
The fight went well, in Peter’s opinion. He came out of it with nothing but a minor stab wound and a couple of bruises. Taking down Fisk was easy, especially without his hundreds of lackeys, as he was quite inexperienced in fighting. Dok Ock and Goblin were the two that stumped Peter the most, as he had connections with them. Harry used to be his best friend, and Otto was his mentor. He was hesitant to take them down at first, which the Avengers clearly noticed, but reminded himself it wasn’t about him. It was about the mission.

  
So, here Peter was, in the medbay. Being stitched up by Bruce while Tony and the other Avengers watched.

  
Tony sighed, and Peter suddenly felt a wave of Guilt. “Sir, I-“

  
“No. NO. Zip it! The adult is talking. You show up here months after the ferry incident, where I thought you’d learn your lesson, but apparently not, as your still doing dumb shit! Your so fucking reckless. Do you even care about anyone but yourself? I guess I was right to take your suit away from you if your still like this.”  
The Avengers stared at him in shock, and Peter looked up at him, wide eyes glistening with tears, yet face stone cold. Tony instantly regretted his words, knowing he’d hit a rough spot for Peter. He tried to apologise, but the kid cut him off.

  
“You think I wanted this?” He started, his voice shaky, “You think I wanted to be so fucked up in the head? My team, my family after May died, sent me here because I’m fucking suicidal. That’s why I’m here. And guess what! My shitty healing factor won’t let me die! I’ve tried everything, the wrists, jumping off a building. Hell, I’ve stuck a gun in my mouth before but it doesn’t work. So, I’m sorry that I’m too fucking depressed to be an actual useful person to SHEILD.” Peter yelled, tears streaming down his face, “and who are you, Tony, to lecture me about caring. I don’t blame you for taking my suit, I was so fucking stupid back then, but you knew, YOU KNEW what I dealt with with the Vulture. You knew he dropped a fucking building on me, dug metal claws into me. You knew this, with the knowledge that you were the only male figure I had to look up to after Ben. You fucking knew. And yet, even after May died, even after you knew I was an orphan, you left me to burn. You know how fucked up I am, so don’t accuse me of not caring.” He screamed

  
He addressed the Avengers, leaving Tony mortified. “You want a fucking superhero sob story? Mines the most pathetic there is. I was born to Richard and Mary Parker, scientists who specialised in genetic engineering and modification. They died when I was four. I grew up with my aunt and uncle. I was 14 when a spider my father had adapted bit me, giving me powers. Two days after that, I watched my uncle die in front of me, and I was too much of a coward to do anything. Six months later, I was recruited to fight team cap in Leipzig. Since then, I was looking up to Mr. Stark, who didn’t give two shits about me. Until some bad guys split a ferry in half, when my suit was taken away by Mr. Stark. SHIELD found me after that, and claimed custody over me after my aunt died in a hit and run.”  
He looked at Tony again. “Sorry to disappoint Sir, but I’m not an indestructible weapon you wanted me to be. I’m human -ish.” He walked over to the door, stopping himself before he opened it.

"I am a weapon now. After all, I have no one left that makes me human."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coomments are always appreciated!!!  
>  i do try and respond to everyone and i love talking to yall!!!!


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